Love in Separation

 Hare Krishna! 

Have you ever loved someone? Have you ever had the feeling of missing them? I have and I'm going through this experience in my life right now. 

I recently filed for divorce after I found out my ex-wife was cheating on me and having illicit affairs. It's been one of the hardest and most painful experiences of my life. I would not wish for anyone to go through it. What has been harder though is seeing the kids post-divorce. 

That's where the above question comes in - I love my kids dearly, they are my life and soul. They have been my life and soul ever since they came into my life. I have lived my life with Krsna in the center and making decisions with the kid's welfare always in mind. With the divorce, suddenly, my time with the kids has been cut in half. I feel I have been robbed of my time with my kids, whom I dearly love, in half. It's very cruel, especially the days when I have to drop the kids off at their mom's house. I miss them dearly and wish I could have them with me so I could be part of their every moment growing up. I've had many emotional moments alone thinking about them and missing them. 

Material life is such - it's not a place of happiness. There is always pain and suffering in the world. Padam padam vipadam - at every step there is suffering. I have come to realize that. Through this painful experience of life, I feel materially exhausted and I feel very grateful to my Lord. Lord Sri Krsna. 

I feel this is Krsna's plan to help me realize:

1. Everything in this world is temporary. 
2. The relationships I have are not permanent.
3. The kids for example are sometimes with me and sometimes not with me.
4. This has given me a glimpse of love in separation. My love for them has increased more and more due to this separation.
5. The separation also has taught me the importance of time.
6. The time I spend with them is precious, and I must make use of every moment with them.
7. Help them develop into big strong boys with Krsna in the center of their lives. As Krsna is the source of all happiness.

I also reflected on the thought of Love in Separation. The Srimad Bhagavatam says that Love in Separation is more intense than love in union. What does that mean? Does it mean that when you are with someone, you get carried away and forget that you are going to lose them soon? Does it mean we take them for granted?  Does it mean that the intensity we feel being connected to them, with them is less than the intensity we feel when they are away? Do we think about them more when they are away than when they are with us? Yes, I have felt these feelings. Some hint of what the Gopis felt when Krsna left them. That feeling of separation. I can only imagine how the Gopis must have felt when their life and soul, the very person of their existence left them, they must have literally died. It must have made them think of Krsna all the time - 24*7. I believe that is what Krsna is trying to teach me with this experience. How to revive my love for Krsna in separation. Currently, we are separated from Krsna as we have forgotten Him. We are so tied into this material world. Through chanting the Holy Name, Reading SB we realized who we really are - A spirit spark and part of Krsna. We are not this body, but this soul who always has an eternal relationship with Krsna and we need to be able to think of Him 24*7 to again revive that love and relationship with Him.

I pray at the lotus feet of the Vaishnavas, to kindly pray for me so, through this experience, I can realize that Love in Separation for my dear Lord Krsna and also share this with my kids whom I dearly love. 

Hare Krishna!